pouring my heart ryte now.
all u cud see now is the little mistakes i do.
no doubt ryte now im cryin.
hell yeah. im crushed.
me to be blame in everything dat hpn in our rship.
you wna know whats gg tru in my heart.
now i confess.
i FUCKINGLY love u with all my heart,
when i msged u since morning. u din rply.
all i cud say in my little heart.
he's disappointed in me. he's disappointed in th elove dat i gave him.
n i gave all my effort in msgin u. i throw away all my ego. just to let u noe dat i do love u. but i feel foolish dat u din rply my msgs.
ive been keeping things to myself. yes i do.
beybehs is all ard i noe.
but i feel im a burden. to them.
and to you.
i noe havin me is a burden n a swear.
i love u too much dat i cant let go.
a few weeks back. i swear i dun feel the love animore.
n i swear i feel its fading.
but i still hang by the hope dat its gonna be betta.
maybe hope isnt by my sde.
maybe im letting go now.
of every probs im havin.
as days goes by, im gettin weaker.
the smile on my face, fadin away.
u tc of urself.
haf the greatest week possible b4 9 aug.



as dated, today is the 29th of July.
the day is drawin nearer.
next week it is. i cant hold on much longer.
can i break down n cry.
but the thing is, i got no shoulder to lean on ryte now.
now, im on my own. but ryte now i need someone.
he said that im a strong gal.
but no, im just puttin up a brave front.
for goodness sake, i cant hold on to it!!
a lot of 'what if's' stuck on my head.
i cant take it animore.
please. im begging you.
dun go. i nid you in my life.
negativity. negativity.m negativity.
is dis the punishment for all my sins?
please. i beg you god.
dun take him away from me.
he's the only one i got ryte now.
he's my every breathe.
if you take him away from me.
i'll die.
i cant let go of him. i must not.
the memories. the love. and him.
is the most valuable thing in my life.
oh my god!.
no one noes what im gg tru ryte now.
argh. i hate myself ryte now.
ive got a week left to gif my all to him.
n i truly hope its enuf for him.
i hope its enuf to gif him courage.
i hope its enuf to gif him strength.
i hope its enuf to gif him the belief.
n i truly hope its enuf to gif him hope.
im holding back my tears. reali holdin back.
im keepin it from everyone.
i'll soon breakdown.
but i duno when.
Syg, all i could say ryte now is.
I Love You With All My Heart.
Even If Its Not Enuf For You.
I Just Wana Say Dat.
I Truly Love You.
Syg. I Swear.
Please Dun Go!. =(




dear my super adorable galfrens,
im greatful dat i gotta gffs like u guys. i truly appreciate ur every dedication n affection towards me. thank you fer bein understandin towards me. n im sorie dat im gona leave u guys fer awhile ryte nw. ive got a promise to make. n dat is to make the love of my life hapi. n im not willing to let him go just like dat. i wan him to be the happiest guy in the world. i wan him to feel the love im havin fer him ryte now. i wan him to haf everything before he go. n ryte now im willing to do anything fer him. n u guys noe me well enuff. dat i neva treat anione like this b4. he's the first n the last dat i love. no one else. n i change alot. to be a betta gf. do i? maybe not enuff fer him. but im willing to try more. ive neva tok to my bf this nice before. ive neva feel dis secure before. n surely ive neva love anione like dis before. n yes, he change my life. to a beautiful one. altho dere's alot of fites. but i noe. its just the best fer our rship. we just wan the best fer our rship. but when things dun go our way. even the smallest things make us go chaotic. n im super glad u guys are dere fer me.even when im leavin u guys fer awhile. ntg in dis world can desribe how meaningful u guys are to me. thak you. u guys are loved. thnxs fer the msgs y'all.

dear the love of my life,
i wana be the umbrella when its rainin.
i wana be the shade when its striking hot.
i wana be the torch when its dark.
i wana be the pillow when ure sleepin.
i wana be the the lyrics in ur song.
i wana be the guitar ure strumming on.
i wana be the clothes ure wearin.
i wana be the boxers u always go to slp wif.
i wana be the towel u always wipe with.
n most importantly.
i wana be ure everything. =)


as dated, its 13 July 2008. before i start this post. i just wna wish syg a hapi one month togetha. im grateful dat we're still togetha. bcoz i nid u so much. feelings fer u just get stronger each day. i swear. no one, not even [insert name] can tear us apart. i noe we believe in each otha. n im sure we can go far. i really appreciate fer everythin u did fer me. n even the most expensive things in the world cant replace it. fer the past few weeks, we've not been spending tym wif each otha, due to work n stuff. but i noe u are making an effort to still hold on. haix. we've been misundertandin each otha quite lately. maybe we just nid each otha so much dat even the slightest thing make us go chaotic. i love you. i do. stronger den wat u eva tink. as times goes by, im still hanging on the hope that ure gona be by my side till eternity. sometimes i do feel foolish. i woke up now finding those three msges from u unbearable. n how could u keep the most impt thing from me. am i not impt enuff to know syg? n i duno whtr i shld gif up on hope. high expectations to be wif u till eternity were made long ago. maybe this is how life goes. taking away the one we love. im not strong enuff fer that syg. now afta awhile, tears dripping. i cant hold on to it nimore. i cant bear to see u go. trust me syg. im the only one that noes this matter. i cant hold on to it alone. yes, ur frens need not noe now. but, they're stil ure frens syg. time fly so fast, that it ticks away life. if eva u go, u said dat u'll be in peace noeing dat i love u. but i wont be, noeing dat u're gone from my side. without u, everything seems to fall. ure the pillar, ure the spine of my every breathe. without u, i'll be sumone u neva knew. ure my smile, ure my laughter. without u, all that is left is sorrow. still hanging by the thread ryte now. let me belive dat u will neva go. n dats impossible i noe. letting go of everything, should i? let this matter , we keep to ourself. let me suffer alone ok syg. i love u. i do. n nothing can replace dat. i swear. tc syg. tc of urself.! n no more ciggies. pls. im beggin u. haix. =(


sch has been a drag. coz i spend most of my time working.
i nid to concentrate on sch more larr sehk.
din went to sch since ytd bcoz i was supersick.
i had to go dentist too just nw.
due to my stupid wisdom tooth.
arrgghh. saket benarr sehkk.
i just wna say thank you to my dearest syg fer being dere fer me!.

today was super down fer me. fought wif syg.
i din noe wat came up. he said he was super down too.
i met him at 204 at clementi.
the fighting started dere.
from wat i know, we neva spoke a thing. haix.
we fought n fought until. i finally walked off.
i cant take it animore. the fights, the arguements, the tears.
no more please. haixx.
i walked quickly to the platform. to avoid anymore squabbles.
but yes, syg ran afta me.
i truly appreciate it. i cant let him go. do i? haix.
i hugged him so tightly in the train.
neva eva i wna let him go. haix.
after i send him to work. i walked slowly.
thinking wat i did wrong just now.
went straight to bugis. to meet abby.
afta awhile i got a msg from him.
n i gotta noe he fought wif **** bcoz of i duno wat.
what the hell is goin on here? whats wrong wif her?

To You [insert name] ,
please larr [insert name] , we neva interfere wif your life nimore.
dun interfere ours. its all ova.
get a realiti check. u got a new guy.
why must u dwell on the past?
cant let him go, do you?
for goodness sake. we have been together for abt a month now.
do wat u want. say wat u want.
bcoz even u cant break us apart.
we just love each otha too much. like duhh.
n btw. we're happi.
u dun care? hahaha.
if u dun. u wont say a single thing abt us.
if ure jealous, den gd.
atleast i know, i got a great boyfren.
lastly, a tip for you.
treasure the one who loves you. pls.!
i dun wish to see u cry nimore! =)

Kpd Kamu Yg Tersyg.
.Firay. =)

Saya Cinta Kamu.
Sepenuh Hati. Sepenuh Hayat.
Akan Ku Ingat Janji2 Manis Kita Berdua.
Walaupun Byk Rintangan Yang Patut Kita Lalui,
Aku Bersyukur Dapat MelaluiNya Dgnmu.
Ku Bahgia Bersamamu. Janji, Tidak Bohong.

Drpd,
ila.bebehh.

-stop it ehk ila. ni bkn surat tau.!-

SYG!
FITE IT
FITE IT
FITE IT
FITE IT
FITE IT FOR US! =)

before i turn bitchy, i wna say this.
dun gif lame excuses if u did stg wrong
i went to bloghop. suddenly i came by this blog.
www.natt-c0c0lalat.blogspot.com.
n yeahh. im talkin abt u. so watt.
im kinda pissed off ryte now.
im not gonna tell any lies ok.
i noe i have no right to interfere.
but HELLO! KAMARIANA is my GF.
[kama n fahmi ade conflict.SO WATT]
siallah. ade kpale otak. fikir uhh gal.
YOU were her fren since january.
ko, eqa, idayu n KAMA.
siallah. nk njoy tu tkmo bo-chui uhk gal.
nmpk kite kt esp, step slm.
lau tak ikhlas. tkmo slm larr.
uat malu ko jek kn.
n pls, blg FAHMI ko yg ko aru knal during APRIL.
aku tau lar dia tkde bodek.
tp tak perlu lari lau nmpk KAMA.
asl?? uat slh?? huhh. bgos laar lau prasan.
i got a 4 letter word for u n ur DEAREST FRENS.
F-U-C-K.
tkyahh nk susah2 kasi explanation.
aku rase kama pon taknk dgr.
wateva k.
wat for gif explanation whn ure not sincere.
fuck u guys. u guys are making me pissed off.
n btw, tkmo nk step tak tau dpn kama.
she's not STUPID!
wateva. YAYY N1.




Sorry ppl fer nt updating fer awhile.
i was superduper busy wif work.
and i wna thnak my SYG fer sending and fetching me.
and i wna thank my SYG's mum for feeding me afta work.

Today's post is about you, syg
dere is no one else to talk abt. except fer you.
dere is loads of things i wna tell you.
but im just too shy to tell in u in person.
i dun even noe why.


Syg, i know since e past few days we've been fighting alot. n i know its my fault. i neva think about ur feelings first before i say something to you. while typing this post. my tears have been dripping. bcoz im feeling guilty. Syg, dun eva go. If u eva go, there's no meaning in my life. Its betta i end it if ure gone. Syg, i know ure sick. But pls, for the sake of our love, fight it. I will always be here if u nid me. even if u dun nid me, im always here. for you syg. no one else. haix. Today is the 6th of July. ytd i made a big mistake in hurting u again. im disappointd in myself. fer letting u down. maybe u think im feeling happy. but dats whr ure wrong. haix. i feel like fckn kill myself fer hurting u. i know i cant turn back tym. if eva i can. i would neva eva talk to you dat way. haix. syg. forgive me. pls. im begging you. i would sacrifice anything in dis world for u. even my happiness. syg, pls. i love u. haix. im not sure wthr u'll forgive my this tym round. im grateful for everything uve down fer me. haix. the sweet gentle kiss. the kiss on my forehead. the 3-step procedure when walking wif u. the hitting me. the lying on my lap. the piggy back me. the i love u on the sand. the waiting fer me fer 3 hrs outside my workplace alone. haix. syg. i appreciate everything u did fer me. n yet all i did was to hurt u. i dun deserve u do i? haix. im neva gd enuff fer u am i? haix. im a messed up gf ryte? do u tink i deserve u? haix. syg, ure my everything. i swear. without u in my life. dere's no more sunshine or wadso eva. n suddenly i feel like hitting my head on the wall. n suddenly i feel like getting high. n suddenly i feel im useless to everyone. haix.

b4 im gone again. to aiseyAIN. i miss u so much gf.
im sorry fer not spending tym wif u during our hols.
im stuck wif work.
im sorry if i neva accompany u to ur checkup's.
im sorry to not be by ur side.
im sorry.
im sorry.
im sorry.

p.s. I will always love you. till ur last counting breathe. =(